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Steve Florman's avatar

"And I know now that no one reads to you once your parents are gone."

My father died, a month ago, at 83. I have been pondering the merciless movement of time - I recall him in his 20s and 30s, strong and able to do so many things. My dad became much more frail especially in the last ten years, lost a leg, lost his mobility, and his lifelong diabetes had increasingly severe and unpredictable effects on him.

Nothing is truly static. My children are grown. My three grandchildren are still small, but even they grow almost daily. I am more careful on Minnesota's icy walks and parking lots than I was when I was in my 30s and 40s; I am continually surprised to hear that this or that person has passed on; or I'll use a cultural trope that I thought universal and realize that it refers to some commercial I recall from my teens during the Reagan Administration, that no one these days has ever heard. ("Give it to Mikey! He likes it!")

It frightens me to watch things go by so quickly. I find myself reeling from not only the volume and speed of the change but from its inevitability. I now face, as my father's executor, the task of dismantling the physical remnants of his existence - of determining what should be saved, and where, and by whom; and trying to find ways to preserve him so that he can be more than a name and dates to those who will come later, who will never know him except through our eyes. How can a life, a marriage, a human - my father - be reduced to a pile of photos, an estate sale, a scattering of ashes on a Montana hillside?

In the end, all we have left is love.

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Freya Rohn's avatar

I love how history is so committed to erasing non-white males from any 'professional discovery' and we continue to blindly repeat it. Thank you for digging into such great threads in thinking through something that is so fundamental to how relate to one another and the world--love it and can't wait for more, as always. Also, if you haven't read it, you'll love Harold McGee's On Food and Cooking: The science and lore of the kitchen (link here: https://bookshop.org/a/56269/9780684800011)

--its like an etymology of cooking traditions and I pour over it for hours each time I open it up. Fantastically interesting how these traditions get developed.

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