I too have been the sacrificial lamb, the black sheep, the one in the blinding headlights, hounded, hunted like a wild deer. The daily echo haunts me. I can barely speak about it and I thank you so much for speaking about yours x
I've been obsessed with all things Tim Ballard since allegations came out. Before that, I sort of just thought his whole propositioning as the white savior of children was weird and that he probably wasn't doing things totally above ground with the organization. But then all the allegations started breaking and I haven't been able to look away. My husband was asking me why and I couldn't put my thumb on it for a while until I realized how much he reminded me of the nearly 30 year-old man who "dated" (aka groomed and abused me) when I was just 18 and on the other side of the continent from any support network. After he was incredibly confrontational with my and my roommates at an activity and was making it difficult to attend church, I went to the bishop to alert him. And, I'm quite certain nothing happened to this 30 year-old who was regularly around 18 year-old girls who were away from their support networks because he later ended up marrying one (and they have since divorced). And this whole Tim Ballard finally facing the music thing felt like vindication for my 18 year-old self because SO OFTEN there is absolutely no adverse affects for people like Tim and my own abuser. THANK YOU, Meg, for calling him out initially and believing everyone who came to you and trying to get their stories told. You are a hero of women.
Oh Emma! I am so sorry for this! Yes, I think the longer I had to process Ballard, the more I understood how men like him were 1. very common in my culture 2. had sometimes done me great personal harm. I cannot believe that this thirty year old man was allowed to be a wolf in wolf's clothing around you and girls like you. And you're right about the fact there is almost never any negative outcome. Like if Tim Ballard had simply been one or two degrees less overtly awful, he would have been allowed to this forever. I am sure of it.
You are truly something, Meg. I wish protection and strength for you, so that your stress doesn't harm you as well. Your courage is impossible to understand, and I'm grateful for it.
Julie, I think you are so generous as I do not feel courageous at all. Just mad. And even more mad that the people who really are at fault here will never, ever be held to account.
As usual, Meg, you’re excellent at noticing that every story is more than one story. Yes, the OUR story matters, but what also matters is your story—the story of how your hurt and trauma were (so to speak) a small price to pay so that business as usual could continue for Ballard and co. That’s a terrible, horrible story, but I’m glad you’re finding the courage to tell it. And I’m glad that Peggy had your back. She’s a good one.
I think my story probably continues to be the least important one to tell. But I guess I still hope that it gives context and cover where it's needed. We'll see. And yes, Peggy is such a good one!
I see it differently. When I first started therapy, my therapist told me how especially his women patients downplayed their own experiences. Saying theirs wasn’t as bad as other people’s, or it could have been worse. (I think part of this comes from learning from other people that our experiences weren’t that bad.)
You are the only one who will ever experience from the inside what it’s like to be Meg. You are the the only person who can take care of you from the inside. That makes you a pretty important person.
Doing so doesn’t devalue the really horrible experiences of other people. When I take myself seriously, I find I am in a much better place for valuing other people’s experiences. When I respect my boundaries, I am better at recognizing and respecting other people’s too, as an unexpected side effect. At least for those of us raised in religions teaching selflessness, especially for women.
You’re really brave for putting this piece out there. And I hope you know it’s okay to show yourself a little grace and gather yourself against the dishwasher before stepping out again as a warrior.
Patty, thank you so much! I really needed this! Sometimes we don't always give ourselves permission to stay in the corner a little longer, you know? Thank you.
Meg this is so incredible--and so admire your ability to see truth and not let it stop with you. I am sending so much love and hopefully some healing space for you to hold through all of this--it is not easy to go through all that you have and yet the telling, the bearing witness is everything. Always in your corner. 💜
Freya, friend. Thank you. I love how you put that, seeing truth and not letting it stop with you. That's a phrase I am going to carry. Like so many of your phrases.
So grateful for your words and your courage and your resilience. I’ve been sharing your pieces left and right because his fictional movie was a *big hit* in evangelical spaces and my people need to wake the fuck up.
Thank you so much. And thank you so much for sharing the work! He really tapped into something that was happening in a lot of traditionally conservative christian traditions. It's a huge problem. And it will keep being a problem even once he's gone. But I hope it does help some people wake the fuck up! Yes!
I don’t know what to say. Thank you for your bravery, your writing, your steadfast commitment to writing truth and supporting others. And I’m so sorry for the impact and the toll this is taking on you. It’s ok to take care of yourself. And I wish and hope that others around you take care of you too, and make sure you have some peace of mind among all of this.
I felt so many things reading this! Sorrow, Outrage, Heartbreak, Anger, and a host of other emotions I can't even name. I wish I could wrap you in a warm hug right now, and I also wish I could round up a gang and go after Tim Ballard with torches and pitchforks. Does this make sense? Praying protection for you and your loved ones, precious Meg. You are an observer, a truth teller, and a shining light in the darkness!!! Xoxox
Your bravery, eloquence, empathy, and overall brilliancy make you an inspiring human being. Thank you for being a steady light amid such darkness. I wish you all the safety in the world. A big hug feom Portugal
Thank you for continuing to do this work. And also, I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to.
I know it's such a small thing amongst the whole issue and this whole piece, but his connection to Glenn Beck simultaneously came as a shock and... didn't surprise me at all?
I am so sorry. I am so thankful.
Thank you so much. I really, really appreciate you being here with me!
My heart aches 😔
I feel too like there is so much damage that will never be known. I don't know what to do about it. So yes, a heart ache.
I too have been the sacrificial lamb, the black sheep, the one in the blinding headlights, hounded, hunted like a wild deer. The daily echo haunts me. I can barely speak about it and I thank you so much for speaking about yours x
I've been obsessed with all things Tim Ballard since allegations came out. Before that, I sort of just thought his whole propositioning as the white savior of children was weird and that he probably wasn't doing things totally above ground with the organization. But then all the allegations started breaking and I haven't been able to look away. My husband was asking me why and I couldn't put my thumb on it for a while until I realized how much he reminded me of the nearly 30 year-old man who "dated" (aka groomed and abused me) when I was just 18 and on the other side of the continent from any support network. After he was incredibly confrontational with my and my roommates at an activity and was making it difficult to attend church, I went to the bishop to alert him. And, I'm quite certain nothing happened to this 30 year-old who was regularly around 18 year-old girls who were away from their support networks because he later ended up marrying one (and they have since divorced). And this whole Tim Ballard finally facing the music thing felt like vindication for my 18 year-old self because SO OFTEN there is absolutely no adverse affects for people like Tim and my own abuser. THANK YOU, Meg, for calling him out initially and believing everyone who came to you and trying to get their stories told. You are a hero of women.
Oh Emma! I am so sorry for this! Yes, I think the longer I had to process Ballard, the more I understood how men like him were 1. very common in my culture 2. had sometimes done me great personal harm. I cannot believe that this thirty year old man was allowed to be a wolf in wolf's clothing around you and girls like you. And you're right about the fact there is almost never any negative outcome. Like if Tim Ballard had simply been one or two degrees less overtly awful, he would have been allowed to this forever. I am sure of it.
You are truly something, Meg. I wish protection and strength for you, so that your stress doesn't harm you as well. Your courage is impossible to understand, and I'm grateful for it.
Julie, I think you are so generous as I do not feel courageous at all. Just mad. And even more mad that the people who really are at fault here will never, ever be held to account.
As usual, Meg, you’re excellent at noticing that every story is more than one story. Yes, the OUR story matters, but what also matters is your story—the story of how your hurt and trauma were (so to speak) a small price to pay so that business as usual could continue for Ballard and co. That’s a terrible, horrible story, but I’m glad you’re finding the courage to tell it. And I’m glad that Peggy had your back. She’s a good one.
I think my story probably continues to be the least important one to tell. But I guess I still hope that it gives context and cover where it's needed. We'll see. And yes, Peggy is such a good one!
I see it differently. When I first started therapy, my therapist told me how especially his women patients downplayed their own experiences. Saying theirs wasn’t as bad as other people’s, or it could have been worse. (I think part of this comes from learning from other people that our experiences weren’t that bad.)
You are the only one who will ever experience from the inside what it’s like to be Meg. You are the the only person who can take care of you from the inside. That makes you a pretty important person.
Doing so doesn’t devalue the really horrible experiences of other people. When I take myself seriously, I find I am in a much better place for valuing other people’s experiences. When I respect my boundaries, I am better at recognizing and respecting other people’s too, as an unexpected side effect. At least for those of us raised in religions teaching selflessness, especially for women.
You’re really brave for putting this piece out there. And I hope you know it’s okay to show yourself a little grace and gather yourself against the dishwasher before stepping out again as a warrior.
Patty, thank you so much! I really needed this! Sometimes we don't always give ourselves permission to stay in the corner a little longer, you know? Thank you.
Meg this is so incredible--and so admire your ability to see truth and not let it stop with you. I am sending so much love and hopefully some healing space for you to hold through all of this--it is not easy to go through all that you have and yet the telling, the bearing witness is everything. Always in your corner. 💜
Freya, friend. Thank you. I love how you put that, seeing truth and not letting it stop with you. That's a phrase I am going to carry. Like so many of your phrases.
Absolutely heartbreaking and amazing as well. Blessings to you and the fam Meg. He could never bury you, you’re a seed 🌱🙏🏾💯💯
WELL BYRON NOW I AM CRYING. "You're a seed." Oh my gosh. You're the best.
So grateful for your words and your courage and your resilience. I’ve been sharing your pieces left and right because his fictional movie was a *big hit* in evangelical spaces and my people need to wake the fuck up.
Thank you so much. And thank you so much for sharing the work! He really tapped into something that was happening in a lot of traditionally conservative christian traditions. It's a huge problem. And it will keep being a problem even once he's gone. But I hope it does help some people wake the fuck up! Yes!
I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for your bravery. Thank you for your voice. Thank you for continuing to write this all down.
Wren, such grace in this comment. Thank you so, so much.
I don’t know what to say. Thank you for your bravery, your writing, your steadfast commitment to writing truth and supporting others. And I’m so sorry for the impact and the toll this is taking on you. It’s ok to take care of yourself. And I wish and hope that others around you take care of you too, and make sure you have some peace of mind among all of this.
Louise, this reads like a blessing. Thank you. I am so grateful to you for your kindness and generosity. Truly, truly.
Meg, I wish I could be a safe space buddy for you. I would help keep the water cold enough to keep you from panic. I'm holding you in my heart.
This is another comment that made me cry. Thank you. I feel held. Truly.
Meg, I wish I could be a safe space buddy for you. I would help keep the water cold enough to keep you from panic. I'm holding you in my heart.
I felt so many things reading this! Sorrow, Outrage, Heartbreak, Anger, and a host of other emotions I can't even name. I wish I could wrap you in a warm hug right now, and I also wish I could round up a gang and go after Tim Ballard with torches and pitchforks. Does this make sense? Praying protection for you and your loved ones, precious Meg. You are an observer, a truth teller, and a shining light in the darkness!!! Xoxox
Your bravery, eloquence, empathy, and overall brilliancy make you an inspiring human being. Thank you for being a steady light amid such darkness. I wish you all the safety in the world. A big hug feom Portugal
Thank you for continuing to do this work. And also, I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to.
I know it's such a small thing amongst the whole issue and this whole piece, but his connection to Glenn Beck simultaneously came as a shock and... didn't surprise me at all?