I miscarried in a toilet. In Ohio. And I've been dreading the criminalization of pregnancy loss for a long time. Every person with a uterus is a suspect under this regime. I thought I had been following this story closely, but I just learned some details that I hadn't seen reported elsewhere. Thank you for doing this vital work. I became a paid subscriber today.
Jessica, thank you so much for your support. And thank you so much for your solidarity. I do not understand why the details I've shared here are not being reported more widely. I mean, I guess I know why - racism! But still. It is shocking. And I am so sorry you experienced a miscarriage. In our culture, there is just so little support.
Like, the use of the word "restroom" threw me. Because no article I read specified, I assumed that this was a public toilet, which might explain why it came to the attention of law enforcement. But the fact that this happened IN HER HOME makes a freaking huge difference. And nowhere have I read that she already knew that the fetus wasn't viable. The reporting around this has been incredibly shitty and, as you say, NOT THAT HARD TO FIGURE OUT WHY. When I compare the coverage Brittany Watts's story has gotten to Kate Cox, I want to punch the world in the dick. (NB: I am absolutely not suggesting that one story is worse than the other. I am talking solely about the way the media is handling these stories.)
I was Catholic. Where current teachings accept no exceptions to abortions. (Though it occurs to me now that surgery itself is considered an evil, though lesser to the illness. But most Catholics don’t know that.)
What caused me to start shifting, when still very much a full believer, was reading about women in Iran. Where pregnancy is used to control them... and then the child gets taken away from her and given to the father. Should there be a divorce or separation. Where she’s prevented from having contact to her own children. Useful only as baby makers.
I was Catholic, too... I was in Catholic school when Roe was handed down, how the campaign against it was raging by the nuns and priests, lay people in the church -- mostly women, so it was very confusing for us kids. They were saying things like “justifiable murder” when someone killed an abortion doctor, it was justified because it saved thousands of babies and even more souls for all eternity that would languish in Limbo with having received the sacrament of baptism (this was when Limbo was a thing; I don’t know when it went away...) Catholics today will deny the murderer of Dr Tiller was celebrated, but I know better. I know. I was there. I know all too well.
This is so hard, because if you believe your religious leaders - and many faithful really and truly do! - then the stakes feel incredibly high. Of course they'd be anti-abortion with that framing!
Stories like these were exactly the beginning of my shift too! Finally understanding how pregnancy is used to control women, and the children they birth. It started there and then spiraled out.
Several years ago I miscarried at home, in a toilet, after my “textbook perfect” tubal ligation. Reading this I wept in rage and solidarity and fear this morning. Thank you for bearing witness. Over and over again.
I’m in Ohio. I’m getting a front row seat for this trial and I’m beyond angry. This is nothing more than vengeance on all of us who dared defy the “prolife” minority twice at the polls. We’re screaming at them and they are responding by using and abusing the power of prosecution to punish us... they will keep making examples of people with that “see what you made us do” sanctimonious righteousness. It’s sickening. What also sickening is to watch the testimony of these cops who swore to tell the truth, but their truth is so stuff with ignorance, mis-and dis-information as to be devoid of any facts whatsoever. Truth is a fuzzy standard for perjury-free testimony; fact is a better standard.
I remember bringing my mother (not my husband) into the bathroom and pointing to the small mass in the toilet and saying, "that's it, isn't it?" She nodded, and we cried. And then I flushed the toilet. It didn't mean I was any less sad about the loss.
I am so glad you had someone to witness you and with you in that moment. Riley was at work. The kids were at school. And I was so sick from the blood loss, contractions and everything else, I could hardly think. Barely understand what was happening. I hope I am there for my kids the way your mom was there for you.
I miscarried in a toilet. In Ohio. And I've been dreading the criminalization of pregnancy loss for a long time. Every person with a uterus is a suspect under this regime. I thought I had been following this story closely, but I just learned some details that I hadn't seen reported elsewhere. Thank you for doing this vital work. I became a paid subscriber today.
Jessica, thank you so much for your support. And thank you so much for your solidarity. I do not understand why the details I've shared here are not being reported more widely. I mean, I guess I know why - racism! But still. It is shocking. And I am so sorry you experienced a miscarriage. In our culture, there is just so little support.
Like, the use of the word "restroom" threw me. Because no article I read specified, I assumed that this was a public toilet, which might explain why it came to the attention of law enforcement. But the fact that this happened IN HER HOME makes a freaking huge difference. And nowhere have I read that she already knew that the fetus wasn't viable. The reporting around this has been incredibly shitty and, as you say, NOT THAT HARD TO FIGURE OUT WHY. When I compare the coverage Brittany Watts's story has gotten to Kate Cox, I want to punch the world in the dick. (NB: I am absolutely not suggesting that one story is worse than the other. I am talking solely about the way the media is handling these stories.)
Power.
One word that made me cry!
This is excellent. I know how much these things cost sometimes--thx for doing it anyway.
Oh, Lane. Thank you so much. I just want to be sitting across from you, eating good food, talking (and crying) for hours.
Oh girl, YES.
Thank you for putting this all into words. In appreciation of your voice these last several years.
I was Catholic. Where current teachings accept no exceptions to abortions. (Though it occurs to me now that surgery itself is considered an evil, though lesser to the illness. But most Catholics don’t know that.)
What caused me to start shifting, when still very much a full believer, was reading about women in Iran. Where pregnancy is used to control them... and then the child gets taken away from her and given to the father. Should there be a divorce or separation. Where she’s prevented from having contact to her own children. Useful only as baby makers.
I was Catholic, too... I was in Catholic school when Roe was handed down, how the campaign against it was raging by the nuns and priests, lay people in the church -- mostly women, so it was very confusing for us kids. They were saying things like “justifiable murder” when someone killed an abortion doctor, it was justified because it saved thousands of babies and even more souls for all eternity that would languish in Limbo with having received the sacrament of baptism (this was when Limbo was a thing; I don’t know when it went away...) Catholics today will deny the murderer of Dr Tiller was celebrated, but I know better. I know. I was there. I know all too well.
This is so hard, because if you believe your religious leaders - and many faithful really and truly do! - then the stakes feel incredibly high. Of course they'd be anti-abortion with that framing!
Stories like these were exactly the beginning of my shift too! Finally understanding how pregnancy is used to control women, and the children they birth. It started there and then spiraled out.
Several years ago I miscarried at home, in a toilet, after my “textbook perfect” tubal ligation. Reading this I wept in rage and solidarity and fear this morning. Thank you for bearing witness. Over and over again.
I’m in Ohio. I’m getting a front row seat for this trial and I’m beyond angry. This is nothing more than vengeance on all of us who dared defy the “prolife” minority twice at the polls. We’re screaming at them and they are responding by using and abusing the power of prosecution to punish us... they will keep making examples of people with that “see what you made us do” sanctimonious righteousness. It’s sickening. What also sickening is to watch the testimony of these cops who swore to tell the truth, but their truth is so stuff with ignorance, mis-and dis-information as to be devoid of any facts whatsoever. Truth is a fuzzy standard for perjury-free testimony; fact is a better standard.
I remember bringing my mother (not my husband) into the bathroom and pointing to the small mass in the toilet and saying, "that's it, isn't it?" She nodded, and we cried. And then I flushed the toilet. It didn't mean I was any less sad about the loss.
I am so glad you had someone to witness you and with you in that moment. Riley was at work. The kids were at school. And I was so sick from the blood loss, contractions and everything else, I could hardly think. Barely understand what was happening. I hope I am there for my kids the way your mom was there for you.
Mine was very early, but it passed the same way. Because what else are we meant to do? Thank you for sharing, Meg. This is so important.